Admittance

Maybe this is procrastination but I think this would be worth the time.

So I'm coming to my last 2 weeks of Crimson Summer Academy and the work is getting more tighter each day. But still no complaints.

I have just received my grade for my second essay and I'm satisfy with a B- .

I guess I will just have to put my heart out on my third essay ( even though its due tomorrow...)

But that is not my main point for this post. Yesterday the teaching in Sunday school was, faith. How faith is not just knowing and waiting on God to come through but it is the act in going to places and take initiative and having faith God is with you... The last thing was to admit something to God that we never have before...

There was somethings I identify and I gave it to the Lord.

But last night I notice there is a new thought that I know it is there...but I still dont want to admit to it. All my friends has been telling me and I been denying that problem or idea...confidently. But lately I'm starting to have a new perspective on this and wrestling with myself.

I tried forcing myself to admit it but I just can't do so. Might sound weird but I just can't.

We been talking a lot in church about binding and confessing and I know in my heart I have confess much bigger problems to myself and the Lord.

But this really small thing..I just can't swallow it. Unless I'm just thinking too much or it's a bigger problem than I think?

- Courage Man

Resistance

It is 4:04 am was about to sleep...but decided to write while the will is still in me.

I have decided to deactivate my facebook for a week..I have no idea why but it just came to me and well...I just did it. But eitherway the biggest factor of my procrastination was going on facebook every second anyways. So this should be good.

There were times today that I thought about facebook and updating statuses. But I stopped myself and honestly if i must say..I didnt feel the need or yearning to go on. Which is a good feeling

1 day down 6 more days to go.

One week is not even long when I think about it.

It is shocking to know that there is only two more weeks of CSA! OH MY where does time fly? Cannot believe this is almost coming to an end of my summer..and my last year as a scholar. Not much comments for now..I guess I dont feel the grief and sadness yet because it haven't hit me. But when it come i just know I be bawling a waterfall. Hahas.

So my writing expo class is reading Raisins in the Sun this week and I thought I'm all set because I read it in freshmen year but notice i remember nothing! So I was reading it earlier and there is a new appreciation, something I didnt have before for this book. Maybe I was still an amateur ( and maybe still am) but it's a good read..hopefully finish sometime today.

So I must wake up in less than 4 hours and knowing myself..I'm gonna regret for staying up this late.

Good Night and Good Day!

- Courage Man

P.S I pray for my eyes to be open

Another Day :)

Right now I'm forcing myself to write because I'am really trying to commit myself despite how I feel.

Lately I have been overly pack with work but it doesn't matter in-between there been some great memories and joy especially with a roommates like mine there is no night that is dull! But I just thank God again for putting so many good people in my life even at times when I can't see the good in me. There's no complaints but I'm just happy where I'm. And in spite of how our flesh works and feel just thank God for working in us every second...thats how we differ from God. He works in spectacular ways that cannot be predict:

Yesterday coming home from a tired week, couple of events happened.

See my dad called me before telling me my report card. It was decent but it was not what I have expected. But when I came home to see it for myself I was shock to see straight A's and one B+ in Ap Lit ( which counts of a A also)...Apparently my dad was looking at something else.

And I remember on praying on this during the last term and God really came through. If you just continue to be faithful he will do it for you.

What really shocked me was my mandarin teacher giving me an A+...we started out the year on a bad note but in the end ..I really appreciated her. I'm glad that I changed my attitude and stopped being bitter about the little stuff and sucked up but again you know it wasn't me who helped me through. :)

Then my mom comes and randomly gave me $100+...all those tithe and offering...enough said.

And what made me happy the most was when my sis asked me can she come to church with me. I was so delighted! Knowing that she has the will to have a relationship with God is more than a sis can ask for. After we came back from a WONDERFUL service she said, she coming on Sunday. Praise the Lord.

And to end the night..or day with a finished paper ( at 6 am)

Just another spectacular day walking with God.

Continue to pray for my strength and faith,

- Courage Man

P.S My plants has been really growing a lot and my flowers are blossoming lots! Hehe and I just want to thank you to someone who got me ANOTHER basil plants. But its alright I will still cherish and love it the same as my other plants.

OH NOSE!

I have been away from my plants for 3 days and my basil plant is dying! So upset but I'm trying to rescued it by feeding it water right when I got into my dorm. Maybe I go to the farmers market tomorrow and see what else I can do with it. But hopefully it will recover!

The only reason I started growing my own plants was just kind of corny and metaphoric. I thought about my journey and thought watching them grow is like watching myself. And the ironic thing is the way my basil plant is all dried and gloomy..is how I been feeling lately. ( despite the logical reason behind it.) I have to admit I haven't been feeling my best. I been upset with several of things and just not satisfy in the condition I'm in. And as corny as it sounds I feel like how I been feeling right now, is all represented in that plant.

BUT I know everything is going to be alright. I let Him have his way.

- CourageMan

There are some thoughts that already had been thought.

Some feelings already been felt.

Some doubts that will be taken care of.

Somethings thats coming on its way.

Day 1.

- Courage Man