For the longest time I said I would update...but to be honest. I think I'm just on a break right now.
Can't say everything lately has been great but I'm hanging there.
There's just somethings that I rather not blog. Which is between me and the Lord.
There's still so much I still havent fully understand about myself and my relationship with God. It's going to take my whole lifetime. But it's ok, I'm not alone.
At times I do feel lonely. Thinking about some friends who went their separate ways. Thinking about friends I have now but there are still distances. And everything in between. Sometimes I do feel disconnected from the world.
I was angry earlier laying on my bed for 3 hours watching t.v. I hated myself for wasting time doing nothing when I could've been doing homework, scholarships, or esp...cleaning my room. But I was not willing to. (I know I'm a brat)
I don't know why I was angry. Maybe because I was thinking of someone and just thinking about the disconnection from the world. I just thought how life seem so useless right that second. My body wanted to scream from all the stillness and the silence (that I felt inside) aside from the t.v.
I been feeling like this for a few days now.
But I thank God for His faithfulness.
I usually don't like to blog about the negativity in my life. But this feeling made me realize how much I don't understand God. How self-center I'am.
All those thoughts that I had never did I thought of God or acknowledged what He can do. I was so wrap up, so caught up with my emotions. I pushed Him aside.
When I finally turn my mind back to God...I seen two paths in my head. One path was where Jesus is, and the other path was with friends, with someone, and just with the world.
It's like suddenly it felt like, if God asked me to choose a path, which one will I choose.
Maybe the obvious answer would be, "God." But your flesh says another.
It took me that second to realize the answer will always be God.
People will come and go. The world will continue without me.
But with God it's forever. When I'm breathing He's here, when I'm dead He definitely be there too.
When I thought about God...I remember there was something to live for. For His purpose and to do His will.
I'm never alone, God is always with me. And well like my Pastor always say, I'm crazy enough willing to walk this life by myself with God. This world has nothing for me.
Prayer: God I love everything about you. It's going to take me eternity to really know you. God I don't want to live just because I have to. But I want to live a meaningful life for you that you may be glorify and that my relationship with you will be stronger. I pray through every circumstance, every situation, and every heart ache that you may be glorify during those times. Deliver me from all my strongholds. Captivate me with your love and grace. Forgive me God for my frustration, forgive me God for all those times I didnt want to turn to you when I was being hard headed. I welcome your spirit to work in me, guard my mind and heart. That you may prepare me to be use by you. God I love you. Fill me with your spirit, your understanding, and your wisdom. Have mercy onto me today.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
Reminder: It's Me and YOU Lord!
In Jesus there is life.
I'm not sure am I going to continue to blog, maybe after this season. Who knows but if it is, only temporary.
- Courage Man
