Spontaneous Post

Lord at the age of 22, I am still not sure who you are creating me to be and where you are leading me to go. I am a young lady with no reputation, no significance, and of little importance. Today, I pray that I will let go of those thoughts of what you are going to make me into. I pray that You will have the freedom to be the potter in my life, I allow You God to lead and mold me. I pray that my life will bring You glory, not superficial artificial glory but I pray that my life will truly bring You glory. Lord when my mind is trying to figure out how to bring You glory, when I am trying too hard to please You...when I am trying too hard to look good from the outside...I pray that I have the right mind and spirit to lay myself down...abandon myself...my self-love...and let the Creator of the universe to have His PERFECT EXCELLENT way in my life. I am done with my ways. I pray to wait patiently for you...enjoy the journey and process and trust you that you are working in my life. Be glorify Lord. Consume me from the inside out. Do something inside of me which will bear fruit from the outside. I know it starts from inside...in me. Have mercy on who I am,  Father I repent for my ways. Have your way God. In Jesus Name. Amen.


Courage Man


Update:

"I have a plan for you
I have a plan for you
It's gonna be wild
It's gonna be great
It's gonna be full of me."
                               - Come Away, Jesus Culture

God has not forgotten me

It has been a while since I blogged, but I was reading something earlier online and it brought me back to this blog. 

As I was reading my old post, I am amazed at how much God has delivered me from and how truly He has shown me how much He loves me. He has delivered me from the pain and the rejection of my past. "I am free, Praise the Lord I'm free No longer bound, no more chains holding me...my soul is rested oh what a blessing...hallelujah, I'm Free."

And also I am amazed by the faith the old Courage Man had in God. It is weird but my past self is really encouraging me and what I am going through this season. It is funny how when I am really going through something, I am led back here to this blog. 

I been journaling a lot these last few years but I really do feel like writing in this blog tonight. 

So let me give you some updates:

Praise God I am finally a senior at Holy Cross. With being a senior it also means that I must find something to do after I graduate, which is something that has been bothering me since the semester started. At first, my plan was to apply to graduate school for my PhD in sociology. However, due to my poor planning, I have placed that goal on hold by deciding to wait a year to apply in order to submit a stronger application (and also take my GRE). So as for now, I am not really sure what I want to do after I graduate Holy Cross. Putting graduate school on hold was a relief, now the options are endless! There are so many things I could do...I thought about working and finally being in the real word...which would be a good change from academics. But at the same time I do not want to find a meaningless job, like working at a bookstore for a year with a bachelor degree. Not saying that those who choose to do that are losers, absolutely not but it is not what I want to do. I have been applying to different programs and searching for jobs. It is also the first time I realized...maybe I don't want to be a professor...if not becoming a professor then what do you want to do Courage Man? This question, like many seniors right now, is a scary question. The unknown is scary and not having a solid plans scares me. But I must put my trust in God. I  must look to Him and know that He is my career planner and designer. The designer of my life. I need to stop worrying about those around me who has more potential and those around me who seems to be better than me and keep my eyes on Him. 

Lately, I feel like the friends around me are just blossoming with opportunities! My best friend got offered a job opportunity at her high school, a sister from my church got offer a teaching position at her college and one of my high school friend already got a job in New York City! And I must admit, I looked at them and though, "Well see..they have always been amazing. There is a reason why God blessed them and not me." And I can't help to feel forgotten by God...and I can't help feeling like maybe God don't really have a plan for me. It feels like He is blessing around except me. Maybe because of the choices I have made and also my imperfection is why God has nothing for me...and I deserve what I have right now. I am nobody significant and who am I to dream big? - Do you see how I think.

But tonight, I must rid myself of those thoughts, I must not let the enemy defeat me because God has not forgotten me. I thank God for my best friend, when I shared these thoughts with her she said, "Mandy, if I have learned anything from my meeting it is this: God can surprise you with anything at anytime." And I believe that is true.  

Let us pray:

Dear God,

I am so thankful for the power of prayer. Help me to never stop praying and to never stop believing and trusting You. You are able. You said you will never leave me or forsake me. Even in the midst of the unknown I will trust only You. Even when I feel like You have nothing for me. Help my unbelief to believe. Give me more faith and help me to put all my trust in You no matter what it looks like and no matter how I feel. Lord, I allow you to do miracles in my life, unexpected miracles in my life. I pray that You will get all the glory. I promise Lord if You bless me God, I will give You all the glory. I pray through this season You will be glorified in my life. I pray that I will decrease right now and You will increase in my life. Thank you Jesus. Thank you. Give me a greater faith today. I pray that You will continue to guide me in my dreams, and when I am not sure what they are I pray that you will reveal them to me. Make it clear to me. Lord I know at times I get confuse and I overthink things but I pray for wisdom and discernment. I pray God that you will make it obvious to me. Use the people around me to lead me where You want me to go. I pray that you will open doors of opportunities and employment for me after Holy Cross, make a way out of no way Lord. And Lord, help me to understand no dream is too big for my God, nothing is too hard for You. When I look at myself and think who am I to achieve something great, remind me, "But God." Let nobody, nobody especially those who I think are superior to me...especially those who I think are smarter than me...better than me psych me out of the blessings that You have for me. Do not let their demeanor discourage me. But in their presence...I pray that your anointing will be with me, let your peace and faith be with me. I love you Lord. I know you are not done. I will wait on You. I will continue to worship You and serve You. You are worthy.  In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

Courage Man