Launching Out Into The Sea

Hi long time no see!
So far this semester has been really busy and def. a new season for me. There are a lot of old businesses that needs to be finished..and a lot of goals to accomplish. Must stay focus and keep pressing on.
But other than school, I have no complaints.
The title of this post was the theme to our Youth Banaza couple of weeks ago.
I thought how God is so real. He has been showing me how I need to let go of the shores and be bolder. And then the Youth Banaza themes came along. Confirmation much?

So far October break is coming in less than a week (YAY) but still there is work to be done. My chinese class has been a struggle for me and I have a test tomorrow...but I am not giving up without a fight!
I wanted to take this moment to write because there was this thought that kept coming up in my mind.

God has been showing me a lot about myself. Things I need to change and things about myself that I was not aware of before.
Glory to God.
One big thing I have been really learning to do is love. Loving your brothers, sisters, and others. This love has been occurring so much in the Word at church and also in my interaction with other people.
I thought before that this shouldnt be a hard task...I get along with a lot of people...I can say I'm genuine and nice. But the Lord has been showing the truth about my heart. Love is so hard...love is an action and sometimes I don't know how to express love and I don't know how to show affection. Most importantly, sometimes I just don't want to. And sometimes I'am selfish thinking only about myself and how I might get hurt in trying to love. I am scare to love. I do not want to be taken advantage of and be made a fool at the end of the day. But the Lord has been showing me to launch out into the sea...do it anyways even if it looks stupid...even if the other don't receive you.
I remember a sister said to me when I was going through to "kill them with kindness."
This certain person came to my mind today while I was on the train going back to school. Though it has been a few months now I can admit that I have recover from a lot of pain this person has caused me. But somehow while I was on the train the memories and what they did all start coming back...and I felt the same anger and betrayal I felt couple of months ago. But I had to stop myself...because I know...that I live for only God. I know that this time it is different...I am giving my all to Jesus. If I give Him my all no one can hurt me...and the things of the past is behind me.
I admit,
what this person has done...has made me feel unworthy. They made me feel like I was not worth it. I use to thought that because I was not pretty enough...or I was not this certain way..this is why they chose someone else over me.
But I am learning this moment that it was not because I wasn't worth it. But it wasnt because I wasnt good enough or that I'm not like so and so.
But there is so much more to life...there is so much more in me than I thought. How could I allow a person to tell me my worth and value...when God say that I was worth His every drop of blood? How could I allow someone to say I'm not worth it when I still have so much dreams and ambition I still havent fulfilled.
How can I allow other people gifts, abilities, and comment stop me in getting what God has in store for me?
How can I stop here?
I can't allow insecurities, anger, pain, and sadness to stop me in going where God is leading me this season. I refuse.

So whoever maybe reading this...to many young girls like me who think they aren't worth it. Check again. Who told you that? Who defines that?
As human and as for myself we look so much at the carnal things. I use to always look for approval and acceptance of other people. But in the end it only led me to disappointment. But with God who is my rock that I stand upon...never fails me. He never disappoints me. He is the same today and yesterday and He has never forsaken me.
I can't say it has been easy or it would get easier from here. But if God is for me who can come against me?
Jesus I am willing to be launch out into the sea. Teach me to love the way you have called me to love. Lord in the areas of my life where I am still scare to let go of the shore and allow you to have your way, help me. Give me the faith and strength to do so. Teach me to love God in ways that scares me. Take away every fear and pride that may be in me in doing what is right. But loosen humility in my life and to love those in my life who may be the hardest for me to love. I love you God, thank you for loving me first and being my foundation and being my comforter in my time of need. Thank you for your faithfulness and your grace that are new every morning. Have your way. In Jesus Name. Amen.

- Courage Man

Spontaneous Post

No matter what it looks like I am going to trust you. You're still able. God I want to be happy and I thank you for the joy that you have given me today. Help me to stay happy and do things that I really appreciate and value, and that it pleases you in your sight. Let me not fall to please men. Let me not fall into deception of the world's lie in telling me what will make me happy. Show me where true love and happiness lies. Help me to follow you all the way.
The road does not get any easier from here. The journey may be long and scary but I am willing to dream bigger today. I am willing to go higher and take that risk. Risking to fall and and to get some bruises here and there along the way...just to see your glory...just to see how God you are still able and to see you working in my life.
Father your will be done.

- Courage Man

Serenity

How many times have I tried to fill those emptiness with temporary and vain "things" thinking truly that must be what happiness is. To have good grades and great friends. Dressing a certain way, having a boyfriend, having a guy compliment me on how I look, seeking a pat on the back from a Professor/teacher to tell me I am a great student. How many times have I tried to be someone that I was not? Someone I thought I was supposed to be. Someone I thought the world and the people around me expected me to be.

How many times have I tried and failed?
How many times did these "things" really satisfy me?
How many times were people truly there for me?...How many times have I sought the wrong people to fill those gaps.
I tried to fill those emptiness with THINGS that could disintegrate. In the end...it wasn't empty anymore but it was overflowing with pain, insecurities, failure, and disappointments.

Lord help me to live for only you. Lord, my education can never filled me with the satisfaction and joy that I have in you..in knowing you. Father help me to not put a cap on your power, your grace, and your love. I know that you can do all things. Though I may not be where I want to be...I may not know what kind of daughter and person you called me to be..but I know I am on the right path in finding those answers. Through my wilderness you are still able. Even when I feel like I have nothing...no abilities, no friends, no hope...in the end you still remain. And having you is more than enough. Jesus I just thank you today for the breath in my lungs...and just for who you're. Lord, I have no fancy words and I am nobody special...but showed me that I, Mandy Lam was worth your blood...prove to me that I was someone worth dying for. Jesus if I was worth that much to you...show me how that value cannot be calculated or comparable to this world, to this school, to people. I am who I am...greater is He that is in me, than he/she that is in the world. Greater is He that is in me than what I see and know. Father help me to fall more in love with you and know through the trials, tribulation, stress, pain, storms, God you are still able. You are still in control. Help me today to never put a cap on you. Help my unbelief to believe today. I'm sorry for filling those places in my life with temporariness...I'm sorry for replacing you with my own idols, dreams, and ideas. But God...I surrender all. I surrender. I surrender Jesus. I surrender. I surrender. I surrender. I surrender. I surrender Jesus. I surrender. I surrender. I surrender...even if its going to cost me....even if its going to hurt...even if that means I'm going to have to be humiliated/persecuted/cast down..I surrender to you Jesus because what you have is far far far better than where I am now and what I have. I'm not perfect but I serve a perfect God. I am going to be true to myself and be real with you God. Break every chain and deliver me. I love you, have your way only you can. In Jesus Name, Amen. 

- Courage Man

God if you say I can make it I'am running to the finish line!

- Courage Man

Turning Over a New Leaf Pt.2

"Disturb us, Lord, when 

We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future In strength, courage, hope, and love."

Sir Francis Drake, 1577

- Courage Man

1. Spiritual Gifts
2. Your Heart
3. Abilities
4. Personality
5. Experiences

You Will Make It. Challenge Accepted.

I am more than what my studies say about me. I am more than what my GPA defines of me. I am more than what the professor sees in me. I am more than just a student at this college. I am worth it. I am creative. I am more and better.

Reminder: Don't get caught up with just the culture here. Stay true and enjoy yourself. Have fun!


Put God first.

- Courage Man

It's Not Over

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
                                                                                                           2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV)

                                                                                                                          
- Courage Man