How many times have I tried to fill those emptiness with temporary and vain "things" thinking truly that must be what happiness is. To have good grades and great friends. Dressing a certain way, having a boyfriend, having a guy compliment me on how I look, seeking a pat on the back from a Professor/teacher to tell me I am a great student. How many times have I tried to be someone that I was not? Someone I thought I was supposed to be. Someone I thought the world and the people around me expected me to be.
How many times have I tried and failed?
How many times did these "things" really satisfy me?
How many times were people truly there for me?...How many times have I sought the wrong people to fill those gaps.
I tried to fill those emptiness with THINGS that could disintegrate. In the end...it wasn't empty anymore but it was overflowing with pain, insecurities, failure, and disappointments.
Lord help me to live for only you. Lord, my education can never filled me with the satisfaction and joy that I have in you..in knowing you. Father help me to not put a cap on your power, your grace, and your love. I know that you can do all things. Though I may not be where I want to be...I may not know what kind of daughter and person you called me to be..but I know I am on the right path in finding those answers. Through my wilderness you are still able. Even when I feel like I have nothing...no abilities, no friends, no hope...in the end you still remain. And having you is more than enough. Jesus I just thank you today for the breath in my lungs...and just for who you're. Lord, I have no fancy words and I am nobody special...but showed me that I, Mandy Lam was worth your blood...prove to me that I was someone worth dying for. Jesus if I was worth that much to you...show me how that value cannot be calculated or comparable to this world, to this school, to people. I am who I am...greater is He that is in me, than he/she that is in the world. Greater is He that is in me than what I see and know. Father help me to fall more in love with you and know through the trials, tribulation, stress, pain, storms, God you are still able. You are still in control. Help me today to never put a cap on you. Help my unbelief to believe today. I'm sorry for filling those places in my life with temporariness...I'm sorry for replacing you with my own idols, dreams, and ideas. But God...I surrender all. I surrender. I surrender Jesus. I surrender. I surrender. I surrender. I surrender. I surrender Jesus. I surrender. I surrender. I surrender...even if its going to cost me....even if its going to hurt...even if that means I'm going to have to be humiliated/persecuted/cast down..I surrender to you Jesus because what you have is far far far better than where I am now and what I have. I'm not perfect but I serve a perfect God. I am going to be true to myself and be real with you God. Break every chain and deliver me. I love you, have your way only you can. In Jesus Name, Amen.
- Courage Man
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