Launching Out Into The Sea

Hi long time no see!
So far this semester has been really busy and def. a new season for me. There are a lot of old businesses that needs to be finished..and a lot of goals to accomplish. Must stay focus and keep pressing on.
But other than school, I have no complaints.
The title of this post was the theme to our Youth Banaza couple of weeks ago.
I thought how God is so real. He has been showing me how I need to let go of the shores and be bolder. And then the Youth Banaza themes came along. Confirmation much?

So far October break is coming in less than a week (YAY) but still there is work to be done. My chinese class has been a struggle for me and I have a test tomorrow...but I am not giving up without a fight!
I wanted to take this moment to write because there was this thought that kept coming up in my mind.

God has been showing me a lot about myself. Things I need to change and things about myself that I was not aware of before.
Glory to God.
One big thing I have been really learning to do is love. Loving your brothers, sisters, and others. This love has been occurring so much in the Word at church and also in my interaction with other people.
I thought before that this shouldnt be a hard task...I get along with a lot of people...I can say I'm genuine and nice. But the Lord has been showing the truth about my heart. Love is so hard...love is an action and sometimes I don't know how to express love and I don't know how to show affection. Most importantly, sometimes I just don't want to. And sometimes I'am selfish thinking only about myself and how I might get hurt in trying to love. I am scare to love. I do not want to be taken advantage of and be made a fool at the end of the day. But the Lord has been showing me to launch out into the sea...do it anyways even if it looks stupid...even if the other don't receive you.
I remember a sister said to me when I was going through to "kill them with kindness."
This certain person came to my mind today while I was on the train going back to school. Though it has been a few months now I can admit that I have recover from a lot of pain this person has caused me. But somehow while I was on the train the memories and what they did all start coming back...and I felt the same anger and betrayal I felt couple of months ago. But I had to stop myself...because I know...that I live for only God. I know that this time it is different...I am giving my all to Jesus. If I give Him my all no one can hurt me...and the things of the past is behind me.
I admit,
what this person has done...has made me feel unworthy. They made me feel like I was not worth it. I use to thought that because I was not pretty enough...or I was not this certain way..this is why they chose someone else over me.
But I am learning this moment that it was not because I wasn't worth it. But it wasnt because I wasnt good enough or that I'm not like so and so.
But there is so much more to life...there is so much more in me than I thought. How could I allow a person to tell me my worth and value...when God say that I was worth His every drop of blood? How could I allow someone to say I'm not worth it when I still have so much dreams and ambition I still havent fulfilled.
How can I allow other people gifts, abilities, and comment stop me in getting what God has in store for me?
How can I stop here?
I can't allow insecurities, anger, pain, and sadness to stop me in going where God is leading me this season. I refuse.

So whoever maybe reading this...to many young girls like me who think they aren't worth it. Check again. Who told you that? Who defines that?
As human and as for myself we look so much at the carnal things. I use to always look for approval and acceptance of other people. But in the end it only led me to disappointment. But with God who is my rock that I stand upon...never fails me. He never disappoints me. He is the same today and yesterday and He has never forsaken me.
I can't say it has been easy or it would get easier from here. But if God is for me who can come against me?
Jesus I am willing to be launch out into the sea. Teach me to love the way you have called me to love. Lord in the areas of my life where I am still scare to let go of the shore and allow you to have your way, help me. Give me the faith and strength to do so. Teach me to love God in ways that scares me. Take away every fear and pride that may be in me in doing what is right. But loosen humility in my life and to love those in my life who may be the hardest for me to love. I love you God, thank you for loving me first and being my foundation and being my comforter in my time of need. Thank you for your faithfulness and your grace that are new every morning. Have your way. In Jesus Name. Amen.

- Courage Man