BUSY

I have been a BUSY bug these last few days. I have been training at the Law Firm and right after I'm at driving school for 3 hours, then other random stuff that needs to get done. School is about to start in a week and I have to say I'm kind of looking forward to it..despite it being my last year :( .

Training at the Law Firm has been bittersweet. I enjoy the new experience but never had I done a job so repetitive and at times overwhelming. It is my first time living the office life and I have to say it is not the most welcoming or ecstatic place ever. But I know I'm going to learn a lot and I must be patient, eventually I'm going to get the hang of it. Only working there for 3 days I feel like an alien...but everyone starts out like that, wherever they go.

Even before school my schedule is starting to get a lil bit out of hand. Some friends has been cross with me. And some friends who I try to get a hold of ..is just slowly slipping away. I realize that sometimes no matter how you try to keep that bond you had with someone you once had before. It cannot be done because both parties has change...or had just grown apart. As much as I do not like it..its part of life. People come and go.. and God always put new people in your life.

to be continue

Good Morning!

It is 10:20 am as I'm typing, it is the first time I have woke up so early by myself. Ever since CSA ended I been waking up at 1 or 2 pm. Not really proud of myself for that. But I couldn't go back to sleep because the thought of the other night hinders me. I feel bad for what I have done. Just prayed that God has his way.

In other news today I'm schedule to have my 3rd driving lessons and right after my first training at the Law Firm. And to end the night with Service which is great since Pastor is back. Hope to be bless tonight.

- Courage Man

Love&Grace

Last night I had experience and did one of the worst things I could have done as a teenager. And yet instead of ending it in a catastrophic. I found love, forgiveness, and deliverance. In one night I saw myself in a new light.

I'm so bless to have such a great father, great parents in general that cares so much about me and always supports me. That even when I'm wrong that they still love me. And that is how God is. I thank God for last night though it must be one of my greatest regret in life..if it haven't been last night I would have never been deliver from many things that has been hindering me.

I seen now that I'm still young and immature that there is still a lot to learn. That I have more than enough and I have nothing to complain. And all the advices where once I thought was all jabber that annoyed me coming from my parents are now all true...that they were right. I alway knew that I was an impatient person but last night I really figure out HOW impatient I was. That this is why I haven't seen the results I wanted in the past and right this very moment. Is because I haven't learn to take everything one step at a time.

I prayed so hard and I ask God why..and I asked him what I was doing wrong. And I remember one of the Sister in the church said...God does want to bless you but he can't bless you if your still in your old habits. Something needs to be taken out of you before God can do so. I remember I posted this in the past. But I prayed to God to show me what needs to be taken out of me...and he showed me last night from my mistake..what it is. And I thank him for that. But I just pray that I don't have to be safe by his grace each time to see that He is there. I do not want the only way to change or to be better is by making big mistakes each time. I don't wish to keep begging him for forgiveness and mercy for the same things. I must be moving forward...

Tonight Prayer Service was about discernment. To discern what God is trying to tell us, what he want us to do. And I just prayed that he give me wisdom and teach me to discern what he has to say to me. And prayed that I learn to discern spiritually and mentally.

Despite it all..God hears us..even though we might not be able to feel him or hear him at times. He hears every prayer..he does not leave any prayer unanswered. And he has sure answer mine this season. And for the things that are still unsolved I believe in all my heart he will make a way. I been praying for deliverance and a job this whole August. And this morning someone emailed me saying that I have got the job at the Law Firm, that their boss have chosen ME out of all the other applicants. And I thank God for that. I claim my blessing right now.

Continue to pray for my strength and faith. With every struggle there is a opportunity.

- Courage Man

A day in the life...

Saturday Night 1 am I had a great adventure with my bffl running around the broadway area and chinatown looking for an ATM so I can take a cab home. Earlier we went to see a movie, Inception...have to say a really good movie though some parts were similar to Leonard Dicapro last movie, Shutter Island but still I have huge respect for him. After that we went out to chinatown to eat and walked to the Green Line SADLY we failed and missed the last train as we watch them lock the train up for the night. And THERES where we started our hunt for ATMs which fail us all but eventually we found one and after some struggles got a cab and was safely home. ( Was home a MIN earlier than my DAD!)

I spend my Sunday morning till noon at driving school. Was still upset with the fact I was falling asleep in class while I could be at church praising the Lord. But that's alright. At 3 I had my first lessons behind the wheels with a instructor all went well then after went to my BELOVED sis Tykhia house to play the piano. She has been teaching me the song, All I Need, and it is still in progress. I thank God for the gift that she has given her where she can share with others and the patient she had with me.

Tykhia and I had been trying to write our own song, we prayed earlier for inspiration but...nothing came to us. We took a break and made tatter tots and popcorn chicken! As always we had a nice convo and as it was getting late, we decided she was sleeping over at my house tonight just because we both have to be at Debate Camp tomorrow morning. So everything has been going well.

Just another wonderful day!

- Courage Man

....

Lately I have notice that I been quieter than usual. Some people had pointed it out and I came to realize it myself also.

And maybe the reason why is because lately everyone words and action has been really hurtful towards me even if it was not intentional. Which resulting why I been very conscious with my behavior towards people this month, and in a way makes me feel uncomfortable inside.

I have no idea when this silent spell started but it has been here.

I can remember couple of events this month when there were times I was hurt and offended. But that doesnt mean I'm holding a grudge towards anyone.

I learned to let go, shake it off and love. But I just want to learn to love MORE.

But the thought that slipped in my mind was maybe I didnt fully let go if it still effects me..right? And that is the answer I'm trying to find and the solution to my problem.

REGARDLESS in any circumstance continue to praise the Lord and smile of course :)

ALSO in recent news, I have fell in a deep hole. ( Hahas...insiders)

- Courage Man

P.S I'm very upset with my fail attempts in updating because summer is almost coming to an end and I only have 15 posts. I thought of all the exciting events that had happen this summer which I have never posted. Guess I'm still trying...

P.S

To be honest..I have been really impatient with myself and with my prayers.

I been praying a lot to God about what I want and the transformation in me. And I been just thinking so much lately, about what am I doing wrong that and why am I not seeing any miracles or blessings in my life.

And going to prayer service on Thursday.. I got my answer and my reminder. To just wait on the Lord and he hears our Prayers, he does want to bless us but there are somethings that we must get rid of before he can bless us.

Rather it is disobedience, rebellious, or our atttiude..anything that is not of God. God wants to take it out to better us and he can't bless us if we can't do it. Because He is Holy. He sees everything, we can't hide from him.

And sometimes we try so hard to do what is right..it damages us. All we need to do is..stand still..in our peace and just watch. Watch his salvation, just WAIT and watch what he is going to do in our lives.

And that is what I have been having trouble with. Just waiting and watch..I'm always so ready to get up on my feet to do something I just dont know when to stop.

And I just need to wait and see what God wants me to change or sacrifice.

Lord just plant my feet on the ground and wait for you. Make me over and guide me. Give me the mind to be patient and bind the frustration in me. Because it is you who has chosen me, not I myself. If it havent been you..I would not be where I'm now. Have mercy and let me wait on you. Continue to put people in my life to encourage me and make me an encouragement to others. My only desire is to be close to you. Nothing in the world can satisfy me like you do, you're the lover of my soul. We may live in this world but we're not of this world. I love you Lord, I'm sorry for my ways and my fleshly thoughts and my hot temper. Have mercy.

- Courage Man

When I get OLDER..I will be STRONGER -- Wavin Flag

Ever since CSA ended my days seem so unproductive. Maybe I'm just use to typing papers away and procrastinating. But my days been really the same, a boring routine.

Sadly though I had a lot of planned for August but somehow none are really getting done. Half my August is almost over and I feel like I need to get my priorities back on track.

I SAY I have a lot to do but lately I been a BIG humungous couch potato.

I must get my act together NOW!

But other then being lazy everything been going well. I been in driving school, stuck in a classroom for 3 hours a day listening to the instructor his good glory day. He's a cool man but I just feel like I will forever be stuck in a classroom. And I have learned that I'm not good at sitting still or paying attention for too long.

There was this girl in my class who offered an business opportunity to me and my friend, how we can make money fast and all the good stuff in between. Me and my friend went to the seminar and it just sounded to skeptical. In the end I decided not do it ...I was not comfortable with it and it sounded too good to be true. Another thing I have learned about myself is as much as I'm a big spender ...money does not please my soul. Greed does not flow my blood. I do not understand how some people can only focus on their life in just making money. There is so much more to life.

When I was at that seminar everything was jsut about money...everyone was screaming PRAISING about money. It was so scary...it was just being in a temple or holy place that magnifies money. And my heart harden just the thought about what money could do to people.

When I told one of the business "dude" that I was just not interested. He tried to scared me about statistic saying 98% of people are rather poor or dead while the other 2% are finacially stable. Rather its true or not I dont really care.

I want to live my life meaningful and I believe that I could still live a stable life without making all the money in the world. And I can never be poor...when my soul is still growing in Christ.

Stay encourage! Be patient and wait on the Lord. He is a living God, he sees everything and knows all your need -- a little reminder to myself.

- Courage Man

Breaking News!

No there is no breaking news..just needed a catchy heading.

But this is the last week of CSA, never knew it was coming but this week has finally come. Spending 3 consecutive summer here it's weird knowing that I'm not returning next summer...and to be honest I dont even know what I'm going to do with my summer next year when there are so much opportunities and so many options in trying new things. What to choose...what to choose but I think about that when the time comes. Right now I'm trying to get through the week with my last essay and final.

Recently I have caught the cough and been choking and suffocating for a week and a half now. It's pretty annoying and I have grew bags under my eyes from the cough that keeps me up at night and refuses to let me sleep. And it's annoying how tired my body is but it just wont let me sleep. Just praying for healing.

And besides committing myself in writing this blog I notice that I been very protective of my feelings and that's because I do not want to sound childish and annoying. But I vow to myself to say more how I feel.. thats the only way I can see myself grow....and right this instant..I feel...ANXIOUS!

I feel anxious to see what blessings God has in store for me. Recently my friend told me about this job that is hiring and I just praying I have a chance. And also after CSA my dad is putting me in driving school and then in september getting my LICENSE. And he was just telling me about an opportunity of my own car. These two news been on my mind a lot but I know at the same time I must humble myself and not get my hopes too high and to just learn to shut my mouth. I notice when I get excited about something I like to announce it to the world. ( darn me for being a open book) And my imagination start going wild..I just want to learn to be patient, wait and see what happens....

and to continue to fight the good power of faith. ( random, but can't write a post without giving any credict to God! )

- Courage Man