Dear God,
I just want to start out this letter by asking for your forgiveness for writing this letter a day late. I have no excuse and I accept my fault. But no matter what I will continue writing and committing to what I said I will do.
Lord you never cease to amaze me.
Your wisdom and power is unsearchable on this earth.
I am still so thankful for you and I humble myself for giving me the opportunity to lead a prayer last night. Cause God you knew my heart before I stepped into that prayer. You knew my thoughts when I was driving there. But still you God...you gave me that phone call and you wanted to use me as a vessel. God...who am I that you're mindful of me?
Jesus my human heart can be so selfish sometimes...it desires so many things that arent of or like you. I ask you today to cleanse me from my impureness. I ask to walk with more faith and with less of my own intentions and expectations.
My eyes could be so deceiving...it see what it wants/likes and gets sad when it cannot achieve that thing.
Help me Jesus to fully lean on you and pray the right prayer. To be mold and create again in your hand as the daughter you called me to be.
I deny myself. I deny all my desires...to see your glory. Be glorify in my life.
Remind me when I don't see things going the way I wanted to...or how I thought it should've been...that my ways are not Your ways.
Your ways are perfect...and it is great...it is beyond my understanding. And your ways contain blessings that are unimaginable and beyond any of my imaginations or my expectations. It is better than my ways.
So help me today God to follow you through the good and the bad. And let you have your way that I may walk into my blessing..into your understanding and I may be glad and satisfied.
Though I may not be where I am suppose to be right now...I know you're still leading me there and I am closer today than I was yesterday.
God I ask you to fix me and to deliver me so you can pour into me purpose and more faith, love, understanding, and wisdom today. Because you said you can't pour new wine in an old bottle. Have your way Jesus.
Love your daughter, Mandy.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
5' o clock Prayer
Lord I believe no matter how many times I failed and no matter how many times I fell you're able to take me out.
- Courage Man
- Courage Man
Letter 4
Dear God,
I forget how great it is to spend time with people you love. I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to meet up with so many old friends and giving me the chance to meet some new people today. Thank you for filling every minute with laughter and joy and I pray that you continue to prosper it.
I hope God that I will be real with people and especially with my relationship with you. The greatest joy I learn today is being with people who makes you laugh! People who brings the best out of you not only that but you must learn to bring yourself out..to not hold back your personality but allow it to shine!
I was sitting next to one of my friend all night at the Cheesecake Factory and through her I learned that when you have a really great relationship with someone...there is no need in trying to gain their attention or win their love over...but when a friendship is true...the attention you give each other will automatically be there. Sometimes you can't measure how close you're with a person; the chemistry and the body language says all.
Jesus I ask you today to help me to learn more about real friendship...and I pray God that you will place real friendships and relationships in my life that will help me to grow as a person and I may somehow contribute somewhere in their lives. Don't allow me to fall into peer pressure, influences (that may not be good for me), the need to impress, or become someone that I am not.
I ask you to keep this feeling I feel right now hidden in my heart. The joy, the laughter, the confidence, and the pureness of it all.
I was on the phone with a friend the other night and she was telling me how she is more social and spends more time out with friends. But she told me the way she made friends was by asking questions about them and being a good listener...what was so deep was the next thing she said, "I may know everything about them but they don't know anything about me." She was explaining to me how all those who calls them their "friend" are people who are consumed in themselves and think they're closer to them by talking about themselves. My friend made a point how they never asked her anything about her. I thought that was so deep because of the deception. So many people go on facebook and look at others people pictures and assumed how social and how popular they may be when they don't know the real story. I realize so many people online fake their happiness and make it seem they're enjoying life when it is really all a cover up for loneliness, depression, or insecurities. There are some who take pictures with everyone and to the audience it may seem like they're having a great time and they have a lot of friends when in reality it could be a different story.
The internet allows you to become someone you want people to think you're.
That was a reason why I got rid of my Instagram because I felt like I was only taking pictures to display this IMAGE of me loving life when really I was going through.
It might be a reason why I was never a big fan of uploading pictures online or even taking them...I spend too much time living in the moment and it is a positive thing! The only downfall sometimes is not having a picture to hold on to the great memories..(something I am still working on...taking more pics.)
Another reason why I thought it was so deep was because so many time during my first year in college I was a little disappointed on how I didnt make as much friends as I wanted to. I made a good amount but not enough relationships that I can claim are solid. And from the conversation I had with my friend...I realize I have nothing to be ashamed of. Because if being close to people and making more friends mean for me to be a certain way then I am not being true to myself. Also I am a strong believer that good friends are HARD to find! Not everyone is going to be your best friend...I believe 1 or even 2 friends are enough for me...to help me carry through...to bring me ENDLESS joy and laughter.
Thank you God for showing me that...I pray that you will help me to be true with my relationship with others/focusing on the honesty of it and most importantly to be true to myself.
I love you Jesus!
Thank you for being my best friend. :)
Love your daughter, Mandy.
I forget how great it is to spend time with people you love. I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to meet up with so many old friends and giving me the chance to meet some new people today. Thank you for filling every minute with laughter and joy and I pray that you continue to prosper it.
I hope God that I will be real with people and especially with my relationship with you. The greatest joy I learn today is being with people who makes you laugh! People who brings the best out of you not only that but you must learn to bring yourself out..to not hold back your personality but allow it to shine!
I was sitting next to one of my friend all night at the Cheesecake Factory and through her I learned that when you have a really great relationship with someone...there is no need in trying to gain their attention or win their love over...but when a friendship is true...the attention you give each other will automatically be there. Sometimes you can't measure how close you're with a person; the chemistry and the body language says all.
Jesus I ask you today to help me to learn more about real friendship...and I pray God that you will place real friendships and relationships in my life that will help me to grow as a person and I may somehow contribute somewhere in their lives. Don't allow me to fall into peer pressure, influences (that may not be good for me), the need to impress, or become someone that I am not.
I ask you to keep this feeling I feel right now hidden in my heart. The joy, the laughter, the confidence, and the pureness of it all.
I was on the phone with a friend the other night and she was telling me how she is more social and spends more time out with friends. But she told me the way she made friends was by asking questions about them and being a good listener...what was so deep was the next thing she said, "I may know everything about them but they don't know anything about me." She was explaining to me how all those who calls them their "friend" are people who are consumed in themselves and think they're closer to them by talking about themselves. My friend made a point how they never asked her anything about her. I thought that was so deep because of the deception. So many people go on facebook and look at others people pictures and assumed how social and how popular they may be when they don't know the real story. I realize so many people online fake their happiness and make it seem they're enjoying life when it is really all a cover up for loneliness, depression, or insecurities. There are some who take pictures with everyone and to the audience it may seem like they're having a great time and they have a lot of friends when in reality it could be a different story.
The internet allows you to become someone you want people to think you're.
That was a reason why I got rid of my Instagram because I felt like I was only taking pictures to display this IMAGE of me loving life when really I was going through.
It might be a reason why I was never a big fan of uploading pictures online or even taking them...I spend too much time living in the moment and it is a positive thing! The only downfall sometimes is not having a picture to hold on to the great memories..(something I am still working on...taking more pics.)
Another reason why I thought it was so deep was because so many time during my first year in college I was a little disappointed on how I didnt make as much friends as I wanted to. I made a good amount but not enough relationships that I can claim are solid. And from the conversation I had with my friend...I realize I have nothing to be ashamed of. Because if being close to people and making more friends mean for me to be a certain way then I am not being true to myself. Also I am a strong believer that good friends are HARD to find! Not everyone is going to be your best friend...I believe 1 or even 2 friends are enough for me...to help me carry through...to bring me ENDLESS joy and laughter.
Thank you God for showing me that...I pray that you will help me to be true with my relationship with others/focusing on the honesty of it and most importantly to be true to myself.
I love you Jesus!
Thank you for being my best friend. :)
Love your daughter, Mandy.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Letter 3
Dear God,
I had an interview today at a Deli in Lexington and I got a call back from Target today. Though things did not work out with Target and I am still waiting for an answer from the Deli. I just want to take this time thanking you for giving me hope...when I feel like I am about to give up...when I feel like I am at my end you always give me something to hold on to.
My mind is already running right now thinking about the next month...when school begin...so many overwhelming thoughts just going through my mind. And to be honest I don't really know how to handle it. I don't really know what to do Jesus. There are moments where I do feel like I'm running into a dead end and I just feel like I can't finish this race. Moments where I keep saying, I can't I can't..I CAN'T DO THIS JESUS! I can't do it anymore...and the scariest thing sometimes God is there are somethings I'm not even SURE what it is but I feel like I still can't do it.
God I ask you today to show me what my fears are.
And I ask you to change all my can'ts to CANs...because all things are possible through you.
You're a way maker in every dead ends I face in my life.
I place my WHOLE life in your hands because I trust you. Everything...I mean EVERYTHING in your hands tonight. It is going to be done and it is done. I believe.
Love your daugher, Mandy
I had an interview today at a Deli in Lexington and I got a call back from Target today. Though things did not work out with Target and I am still waiting for an answer from the Deli. I just want to take this time thanking you for giving me hope...when I feel like I am about to give up...when I feel like I am at my end you always give me something to hold on to.
My mind is already running right now thinking about the next month...when school begin...so many overwhelming thoughts just going through my mind. And to be honest I don't really know how to handle it. I don't really know what to do Jesus. There are moments where I do feel like I'm running into a dead end and I just feel like I can't finish this race. Moments where I keep saying, I can't I can't..I CAN'T DO THIS JESUS! I can't do it anymore...and the scariest thing sometimes God is there are somethings I'm not even SURE what it is but I feel like I still can't do it.
God I ask you today to show me what my fears are.
And I ask you to change all my can'ts to CANs...because all things are possible through you.
You're a way maker in every dead ends I face in my life.
I place my WHOLE life in your hands because I trust you. Everything...I mean EVERYTHING in your hands tonight. It is going to be done and it is done. I believe.
Love your daugher, Mandy
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Letter 2
Dear God,
I want to learn how to be satisfied with having only you. I struggle with acceptance and approval of others...I notice that recently and I think I have always known that subconsciously. But today I just want to learn to be satisfied with having you because God if you're the only thing I have I believe and I KNOW that you're enough. Why do I struggle with this Lord? Why do I feel the need to impress others or the need in trying to get people's attention when those who don't care about me...should not matter.
True love begins with you Jesus.
Today I was with someone and they were reading some of the letters people have wrote to them. I look back over her life and realize how so many people want to get to know her for someone who CLAIMS to be shy and quiet. And I looked at her and realized, "Wow she is so loved." I thank God for what you're doing in her life because I realize in the areas where we lacked...when we believed we weren't good enough...and can't be loved. You come into our lives and become our provider and put people in our lives to show us how loved we are. I look at my friend and I remember the things she use to struggle with and thought how great you're. Jesus I want that. I want to experience true friendship and love without trying to earn it myself..without trying to win people over. It is a hard concept I have to accept about myself but I must learn from it. And I thank you for allowing me to see it. I am not ashamed because I know I am not perfect. But I serve a perfect God...and I know it begins today for me to stop trying and start living. Stop trying to impress but begin to really start shining. I allow you God to put new people in my life and even allow old relationships that were dead to grow. There are so many possibilities but I pray God that you would put the RIGHT relationships in my life whether they're old or new.
I also can't forget the day when 3 people came up to me and told me there was something special about me. I hold on to their words till this day not because I am trying to be cocky. But I am trying to make my unbelief to believe in the moments where I doubt...when I think I am not good enough. That I am able and there is more to my life than what I see right now. I thank you God also for using these 3 people to encourage me. You're wonderful and truly God you're awesome especially in my weaknesses. Help me to stay encourage and help me to stop worrying about what other people are doing. But just continue to follow you and have some faith in MYSELF.
I am beautiful...because God you created me.
I am intelligent...because You gave me a mind to worship and to repent.
I am loved...because You died on the cross for me.
I am able...because You're my strength.
Jesus you're my everything...you never said this road would be easy. You never said being mold and remake in your hand was going to be painless but the outcome is going to be worth it. I know every good thing will take time. Character, prosperity, victory, breakthrough, deliverance.... But Lord like you said in James...to let patience have her perfect work. I will wait on you to make me ALL over again into something NEW and better! In the mean time...I will labour in you Jesus. I will cry unto you. I will worship you. I will praise you.
Keep taking care of me along the way. Thank you in advance.
Love your daughter, Mandy.
I want to learn how to be satisfied with having only you. I struggle with acceptance and approval of others...I notice that recently and I think I have always known that subconsciously. But today I just want to learn to be satisfied with having you because God if you're the only thing I have I believe and I KNOW that you're enough. Why do I struggle with this Lord? Why do I feel the need to impress others or the need in trying to get people's attention when those who don't care about me...should not matter.
True love begins with you Jesus.
Today I was with someone and they were reading some of the letters people have wrote to them. I look back over her life and realize how so many people want to get to know her for someone who CLAIMS to be shy and quiet. And I looked at her and realized, "Wow she is so loved." I thank God for what you're doing in her life because I realize in the areas where we lacked...when we believed we weren't good enough...and can't be loved. You come into our lives and become our provider and put people in our lives to show us how loved we are. I look at my friend and I remember the things she use to struggle with and thought how great you're. Jesus I want that. I want to experience true friendship and love without trying to earn it myself..without trying to win people over. It is a hard concept I have to accept about myself but I must learn from it. And I thank you for allowing me to see it. I am not ashamed because I know I am not perfect. But I serve a perfect God...and I know it begins today for me to stop trying and start living. Stop trying to impress but begin to really start shining. I allow you God to put new people in my life and even allow old relationships that were dead to grow. There are so many possibilities but I pray God that you would put the RIGHT relationships in my life whether they're old or new.
I also can't forget the day when 3 people came up to me and told me there was something special about me. I hold on to their words till this day not because I am trying to be cocky. But I am trying to make my unbelief to believe in the moments where I doubt...when I think I am not good enough. That I am able and there is more to my life than what I see right now. I thank you God also for using these 3 people to encourage me. You're wonderful and truly God you're awesome especially in my weaknesses. Help me to stay encourage and help me to stop worrying about what other people are doing. But just continue to follow you and have some faith in MYSELF.
I am beautiful...because God you created me.
I am intelligent...because You gave me a mind to worship and to repent.
I am loved...because You died on the cross for me.
I am able...because You're my strength.
Jesus you're my everything...you never said this road would be easy. You never said being mold and remake in your hand was going to be painless but the outcome is going to be worth it. I know every good thing will take time. Character, prosperity, victory, breakthrough, deliverance.... But Lord like you said in James...to let patience have her perfect work. I will wait on you to make me ALL over again into something NEW and better! In the mean time...I will labour in you Jesus. I will cry unto you. I will worship you. I will praise you.
Keep taking care of me along the way. Thank you in advance.
Love your daughter, Mandy.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Letter 1
Dear God,
I am thankful for who you're today. I examine myself and I will never understand why I ever came to your mind. Why you chose me. God i have so many questions but at the same time I am speechless. I do not know where to begin my conversation with you in this letter. But I am committing to what I have set my mind on this week. So far I been praying in the morning at 5 and 10 at night. I just want to thank you for the mind, will, and the power of prayer. I realize today how I don't spend enough time in prayer and there were so many things that you wanted to revealed to me. I hope God to grow stronger in my prayer life and in my communication with you...and that it will be honest.
As I am writing this letter to you there are other things I wonder. Tykhia and I went to the Infusion Tea Spa in Brighton yesterday after church. And she asked this question: If we can spend the day with someone dead or alive who would it be?
At first I didn't really know what my answer would be and when I asked her, she said: Jesus. That amazed me because that never crossed my mind and as I am writing this letter that is what I am wondering.
How would it be like if you was sitting here with me face-to-face. What would I say? How will the conversation go? Would we have a deep conversation about my life...would you tell me everything about me that I didn't know? What advice would you give me? (Even though I can find them also in your word.) Lord especially...what can I learn about you? Or would we sit there and laugh. Would you pet me on the head and tell me how beautiful I am and that I need to stop worrying? God I wouldn't know...is that how heaven is going to be like? An eternity by your side...hmmers Lord I can't wait and little do I know it...you're already here right now. And even though I may not get to see you face to face as I am writing to you now I realize that I don't need to...because everyday you give me advices through people, worship, your word. They are not just advices but they're my survival guide. You show me through prayer new things about myself and you continue to fill me with your wisdom and understanding.
I love being with you. I love it.
Love your daughter, Mandy
I am thankful for who you're today. I examine myself and I will never understand why I ever came to your mind. Why you chose me. God i have so many questions but at the same time I am speechless. I do not know where to begin my conversation with you in this letter. But I am committing to what I have set my mind on this week. So far I been praying in the morning at 5 and 10 at night. I just want to thank you for the mind, will, and the power of prayer. I realize today how I don't spend enough time in prayer and there were so many things that you wanted to revealed to me. I hope God to grow stronger in my prayer life and in my communication with you...and that it will be honest.
As I am writing this letter to you there are other things I wonder. Tykhia and I went to the Infusion Tea Spa in Brighton yesterday after church. And she asked this question: If we can spend the day with someone dead or alive who would it be?
At first I didn't really know what my answer would be and when I asked her, she said: Jesus. That amazed me because that never crossed my mind and as I am writing this letter that is what I am wondering.
How would it be like if you was sitting here with me face-to-face. What would I say? How will the conversation go? Would we have a deep conversation about my life...would you tell me everything about me that I didn't know? What advice would you give me? (Even though I can find them also in your word.) Lord especially...what can I learn about you? Or would we sit there and laugh. Would you pet me on the head and tell me how beautiful I am and that I need to stop worrying? God I wouldn't know...is that how heaven is going to be like? An eternity by your side...hmmers Lord I can't wait and little do I know it...you're already here right now. And even though I may not get to see you face to face as I am writing to you now I realize that I don't need to...because everyday you give me advices through people, worship, your word. They are not just advices but they're my survival guide. You show me through prayer new things about myself and you continue to fill me with your wisdom and understanding.
I love being with you. I love it.
Love your daughter, Mandy
Sunday, June 24, 2012
If I Wrote a Note to God
So this week I am going on a fast: By writing a letter to God everyday this week. I don't know how it is going to turn out whether it will just become a conversation between me and Him, just another blogpost, or a prayer. Could be all three! It came to my mind to do this sometime this week but specifically writing letters to God came to me as I was driving home today. In all honesty I'm a little reluctant...though I am aware that I don't have much VIEWERS anyways on my blog...I'm not really sure how I feel about writing letters online about my life. I prefer my life to be private and secluded from the internet...but let see how deep it will get...if it gets too personal maybe I will keep it private. For now I am going with the flow.
- Courage Man
- Courage Man
Saturday, June 2, 2012
3:53 am A Bad Romance Movie
I use to have insomnia. I wouldnt be able to go to sleep so all I could do was think. I would get up from my bed and cry...because I had no direction in my life. My life was not bad...but I was not satisfied...the worse feeling about it was I didnt know how to get out of it. I didnt know how to get out of my depression. I didnt know who to lean on and who could comfort me. I saw so many problems in my life and no solution. What do I do? I felt powerless and stuck....
I thank God because I find myself stuck again in a lot of things right now. But instead of crying to myself...I can get on my knees and pray. I can lean on a Savior...a rock that never fails me. That tends to my pain and never stop working on me. Even when I was wrong...He still stayed...and He still listened...and most esp. He forgave me...everytime. I don't know where to even start...to explain..how I don't deserve such a wonderful God like my God.
You will make it through.
- Courage Man
I thank God because I find myself stuck again in a lot of things right now. But instead of crying to myself...I can get on my knees and pray. I can lean on a Savior...a rock that never fails me. That tends to my pain and never stop working on me. Even when I was wrong...He still stayed...and He still listened...and most esp. He forgave me...everytime. I don't know where to even start...to explain..how I don't deserve such a wonderful God like my God.
You will make it through.
- Courage Man
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