Thursday, December 23, 2010

Lessons!

I know its 2:48 am right now and I should be in bed since there school in..a few hours. BUT tomorrow is the last day before break and well I can just sleep it off on Friday.

I think lately I have been struggling with, being temperate.
Again it is the week before break, there just seems to be so much to do and so little time. I still have 2 supplements to do which I wasted my day watching dramas!

But I have to say...I really learned a lot from this drama. I know we can't believe in everything we see on Media. And it sounds kind of dumb and corny to say I learned a lot...so I guess the right word to fit how I feel is, "realize" or "notice".

In the drama the main character of the drama is known for her compassion in everything she do. Her jolliness and her never giving up spirit.
She is poor but that does not fazed her, as long as you live your life with dignity and stick to your morals.
I must admit I really admired her throughout the whole drama. She showed so much humility when I imagined myself in her shoes...I don't know how I would handle it. And at that moment ( in the drama) when she was being oppress and push around by someone who had more "class" than her...even when her boyfriend's family looked down at her, humiliated her....she never did anything and was so humble.
BUT of course it's a DRAMA and everything ended happily ever after. ( Sadly the ending was pretty crappy. )

But it made me think of Jesus. Jesus how much distasteful things people have said to him. How much He had to put up even now. I don't know where to even begin to start...I don't want to sound cliche. But He is God and he is indescribable His patient and love is just so unmeasurable! But watching the main character she reminded me the power of humility. ( So I guess I can't say I learn anything from this drama) The state of being humble is not an easy task...I can't say how it looks from the other end...because I'm not at the stage to say I been through it and it's done.
Because first of all....I'm still in the process and working on it. AND second....it's never done...you can never be fully humble...there is going to be times that you're going to fall....unless your Jesus!
This is a reminder to myself...to be more vigilant on how I act and what I say.

I have other thoughts about the drama too! But I'm too tired to type and vent it all out at 3 in the morning.
Words for reminders: Knowledge and Intelligence

Until next time!

- Courage Man

P.S
The Word is ALIVE!:
" But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror." James 1:22-23

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Where is COURAGEMAN?

Well Courageman has been hibernating...for a while. Honestly I thought about blogging but always push the idea aside just because I been lazy and having my life pushing and pulling me around.
But I have to say there was many thing that has happen since Oct 11. God has been good and continue to thank him!

We're finally in the second term and I must admit senioritis is slowly crawling on me. I must be getting old because I cannot pull all-nighters like I use to. Oh gosh how is college going to be then!?
Until the college process is done there is still so much to do. And I honestly don't know how to tackle everyone of them. But all I can do is continue to push myself forward and learn to discipline myself! ...Nothing to add there.
GOALS for this week!
  1. - Be calm and quiet
  2. - Study SATs
  3. - Save up $!
  4. - Stay positive
  5. - Call DMV to book my road test
  6. - Focus

When people say senior year is the "chill" year it is only a myth. I felt like I have not taken a break since school started.
I guess being busy..I dont really have anything deep or random to say. So until next time! (Hopefully soon!)

- Courageman

Monday, October 11, 2010

Paradise

Nothing really eventful has really happen these couple of weeks. Nothing really eventful happen since school really started.
I guess this season all I'm trying to do is stay focus.

There is something heavy on my heart, something I can't describe. But I still have joy and faith.
I guess seeing the people around me and the task increasing before my eyes every second has overwhelm me.
It has exhaust me. But I thank God for his reminders. Thank him for his word to keep me going.
I bumped into my Pastor in the halls one day at school, and I was trying not to give it away that I have been struggling trying to keep up with everything.
But he said to me not to look at it as a struggle, don't think so negatively. Which stun me a bit because I really needed to hear that and he never stop to amaze me how he always catches me at the RIGHT time just when I needed something. Thank God for him.

I thought about what he said. Anything could be a struggle if you want it to be. The question is do you still keep it as a struggle? When you have a mindset that your going to fail and that you can't do it. You won't be able to just cause you keep telling yourself you can't. And that's the same with struggle, you can't keep looking at , how hard it is or " how am I ever going to get through it."
I honestly don't know what point I'm trying to make or what I'm writing. I just felt the need to write that and ranting I guess.

While I was cleaning my room today I found a note a friend wrote to me. " Remember suffering is God's tool...to change his people."

Yesterday..well 2 days ago now. I left the house a little bit later than I should for the SAT. My dad gave me a ride but he said that I was going to be late. And I told him I can't be late for the SATs. But of course there's nothing he could have done about that. It was my fault for waking up late. He kept repeating about how were going to be late. And that's when I tested my faith in God. I kept saying to myself, God you can do it, Lord I believe in you I believe you can help me get there on time.
...And every stop light we reached was green. Every red line we were about to encounter turned green at the right time. I got to Roxbury Community College with a minute to spare. How could I denied my God? That might be a small testimony or a small thing he done for me. But it was HUGE reminder to me that He is here and He's listening to me and know what I'm going through.
He's RIGHT here as I'm typing.

Whatever happens I have faith He is going to make everything alright! I'm holding on to HIM and his promises. And waiting on my miracle.

LET'S GO!

- Courage Man

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

ROCK

God, Savior, my Lord, Provider, Supplier they're all the same. No matter what your name is I still belong to you and I thank you for your unfailing love. I just want to be move by you.

My life has a daily routine now, weather I'm in school, debate practice, ASC, or at the Law Firm filing those are the places I'm mainly at.
Including the extra like Posse, Bottomline, Homeowrk, ...sleeping
Though it may not sound like much ..I been pretty busy.

I just recently did a photoshoot with People Magazine. I got a email that the issue was out today I ran around the downtown area going to Borders twice and every CVS I can find to get a hand of the new issue. Sadly did not find any. Better luck tomorrow I guess.

This is a random post no intention or main point ..just wanted to post.
BUT

message to self: ADD OIL ADD OIL ADD OIL ADD OIL ADD OIL ADD OIL ADD OIL

- Courage Man

Monday, September 20, 2010

Happy Birthday To Me

Today is September 20th, 2010, one year since I was born again. Where I left my old body, habits, life in the water.

I just give my honor and praise to God for keeping me for this long and through the journey never gave up on me. Thank you for the people He has put in my life and the new perspective of life.

I was doing some last minute homework when I notice it was Sept 20th. I been thinking a lot about how this day was coming but when it came..22 mins ago I forgot hahas.
As I look a year back..I cant believe the change and transformation in me. It's amazing how much God can do in one year. Imagine the years coming ahead what he has in store for me.
I'm excited.
Though I'm still young I have not experience so much joy and love compacted in such a little amount of time. His grace and love overflows and never leaves my cup empty. Thank you. Even before I was in the church or saved I prayed that he will make a way for me, so I can be right with him.
Prayed for a year and all those prayers I thought I was only talking to myself. Maybe there was no God. Who knew all that time He was listening working in me leading me to where I'm now. How? Why? Me? I don't know any of those answers to why He did what he did. But I'm so glad he did. And I just want to continue to serve Him for the rest of my life, continue to grow in Him and walk with Him to the end of this world. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Hallelujah !

A sister testified at church on Sunday how you never know who is relying on you, someone is counting on you to be right with Lord to guide them. And that is really true, that really touched my soul. Someone is always looking up to you for answers, and I hope to be an example.
Thank you Jesus for a blessed year and the blessings that are coming ahead.

- Mandy

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

First Day of School

I arrived home not more than 20 mins ago and I was so tired that I ran home. I'm so numb from tiredness that running did not seem hard at all. Weirdly, I enjoyed it.

Firsy day of school as a senior was pretty plain. I was sneezing the whole time, eyes watery and my whole body feeling drowsy. There was no way I could enjoy it. Actually I been feeling like that this whole day. I did not know how I made it through.

This is how my day went:

Afterschool went DIMSUM with the gang of 2011. As sick as I was I really enjoyed it! Just having fun and eating with the people you're about to graduate with. Hahas. Just more memories in the making!


Then after me and Jennifer went to Bottomline to hand in our stuff. And we did some mini paperwork then made an appointment for our first meeting with our mentors. YAYs for preparing for college! (?)
...and I was still sick

Afterwards I went to work, I did some filing and called it a day. Coming into my 3rd week there I thank God for having such a wonderful Boss who cares about me and is so considerate of my schedule. Thank him for the other employers that are so nice to me. Just prayed that he continue to bless me in that office and he be glorify! While still sneezing away while I was signing out. Someone gave me my FIRST PAYCHECK! I was so anxious to open it..I attempted to in the elevator but stopped myself. I waited till I got out of the building to RIP IT OPEN! AND ..I made $24.70! I didnt even know was I suppose to laugh. But I was still happy and satisfied with what I earned. So far they only paid me for the first week I worked which was only 3 hours and 53 mins and since I just started and am a noob. I get pay minimum wage. But I'm not sweating it! I'm still grateful ! I know as I start working there longer, God is going to make a way.

Later then I went to church to help set the tables and decoration for our Sisterhood 2nd year anniversary. By then I have many comments about how I don't look so good or how I seem kind of pale. In the end took the bus home and now sitting here recording my first day as a senior. There has it pros and cons especially the sniffles. But have to say must be one of the most productive day so far. And I'm hoping to produce more when I get rid of this lil virus in my body.

-----

Also I been thinking a lot about how my Senior year schedule. And there just so much to do in such a little time. One of the program, Boston Teen Prints message me on facebook today requesting me to really think about joining this year. Since I could not last year because of my busy schedule. And I look at my schedule again this year and I still have yet find time for it. Boston Teen Prints is an newspaper by the Boston Globe written by teens for teens. And for a girl who want's to become an journalist someday. This is an great opportunity and a way to practice my skills. But there is debate practice, Advisory Student Council, community service, plus working at the Law Firm ( don't forget college and homework!) I don't know where I can find the time to do it. Each year everyone keeps telling me not to overwork myself and I'm really not trying to this year but it seem like I already have even before the school year started. Inside I feel kinda unorganized and stress.

But all I know what to really do right now..is stand still.

"The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11

- Courage Man

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Story Begins!

Despite how tired I'm right now. From waking up early to help out at school ( and barely doing much), working, and praising the Lord/ praying for the children in the community. FIRST DAY of school is tomorrow and I'm quite ecstatic and a lil sad that it's my last year. But ready or not, senior year, HERE I COME!

- Courage Man

Continue to love and stay strong!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

BUSY

I have been a BUSY bug these last few days. I have been training at the Law Firm and right after I'm at driving school for 3 hours, then other random stuff that needs to get done. School is about to start in a week and I have to say I'm kind of looking forward to it..despite it being my last year :( .

Training at the Law Firm has been bittersweet. I enjoy the new experience but never had I done a job so repetitive and at times overwhelming. It is my first time living the office life and I have to say it is not the most welcoming or ecstatic place ever. But I know I'm going to learn a lot and I must be patient, eventually I'm going to get the hang of it. Only working there for 3 days I feel like an alien...but everyone starts out like that, wherever they go.

Even before school my schedule is starting to get a lil bit out of hand. Some friends has been cross with me. And some friends who I try to get a hold of ..is just slowly slipping away. I realize that sometimes no matter how you try to keep that bond you had with someone you once had before. It cannot be done because both parties has change...or had just grown apart. As much as I do not like it..its part of life. People come and go.. and God always put new people in your life.

to be continue

Friday, August 27, 2010

Good Morning!

It is 10:20 am as I'm typing, it is the first time I have woke up so early by myself. Ever since CSA ended I been waking up at 1 or 2 pm. Not really proud of myself for that. But I couldn't go back to sleep because the thought of the other night hinders me. I feel bad for what I have done. Just prayed that God has his way.

In other news today I'm schedule to have my 3rd driving lessons and right after my first training at the Law Firm. And to end the night with Service which is great since Pastor is back. Hope to be bless tonight.

- Courage Man

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Love&Grace

Last night I had experience and did one of the worst things I could have done as a teenager. And yet instead of ending it in a catastrophic. I found love, forgiveness, and deliverance. In one night I saw myself in a new light.
I'm so bless to have such a great father, great parents in general that cares so much about me and always supports me. That even when I'm wrong that they still love me. And that is how God is. I thank God for last night though it must be one of my greatest regret in life..if it haven't been last night I would have never been deliver from many things that has been hindering me.
I seen now that I'm still young and immature that there is still a lot to learn. That I have more than enough and I have nothing to complain. And all the advices where once I thought was all jabber that annoyed me coming from my parents are now all true...that they were right. I alway knew that I was an impatient person but last night I really figure out HOW impatient I was. That this is why I haven't seen the results I wanted in the past and right this very moment. Is because I haven't learn to take everything one step at a time.

I prayed so hard and I ask God why..and I asked him what I was doing wrong. And I remember one of the Sister in the church said...God does want to bless you but he can't bless you if your still in your old habits. Something needs to be taken out of you before God can do so. I remember I posted this in the past. But I prayed to God to show me what needs to be taken out of me...and he showed me last night from my mistake..what it is. And I thank him for that. But I just pray that I don't have to be safe by his grace each time to see that He is there. I do not want the only way to change or to be better is by making big mistakes each time. I don't wish to keep begging him for forgiveness and mercy for the same things. I must be moving forward...

Tonight Prayer Service was about discernment. To discern what God is trying to tell us, what he want us to do. And I just prayed that he give me wisdom and teach me to discern what he has to say to me. And prayed that I learn to discern spiritually and mentally.

Despite it all..God hears us..even though we might not be able to feel him or hear him at times. He hears every prayer..he does not leave any prayer unanswered. And he has sure answer mine this season. And for the things that are still unsolved I believe in all my heart he will make a way. I been praying for deliverance and a job this whole August. And this morning someone emailed me saying that I have got the job at the Law Firm, that their boss have chosen ME out of all the other applicants. And I thank God for that. I claim my blessing right now.

Continue to pray for my strength and faith. With every struggle there is a opportunity.

- Courage Man

Monday, August 23, 2010

A day in the life...

Saturday Night 1 am I had a great adventure with my bffl running around the broadway area and chinatown looking for an ATM so I can take a cab home. Earlier we went to see a movie, Inception...have to say a really good movie though some parts were similar to Leonard Dicapro last movie, Shutter Island but still I have huge respect for him. After that we went out to chinatown to eat and walked to the Green Line SADLY we failed and missed the last train as we watch them lock the train up for the night. And THERES where we started our hunt for ATMs which fail us all but eventually we found one and after some struggles got a cab and was safely home. ( Was home a MIN earlier than my DAD!)

I spend my Sunday morning till noon at driving school. Was still upset with the fact I was falling asleep in class while I could be at church praising the Lord. But that's alright. At 3 I had my first lessons behind the wheels with a instructor all went well then after went to my BELOVED sis Tykhia house to play the piano. She has been teaching me the song, All I Need, and it is still in progress. I thank God for the gift that she has given her where she can share with others and the patient she had with me.
Tykhia and I had been trying to write our own song, we prayed earlier for inspiration but...nothing came to us. We took a break and made tatter tots and popcorn chicken! As always we had a nice convo and as it was getting late, we decided she was sleeping over at my house tonight just because we both have to be at Debate Camp tomorrow morning. So everything has been going well.

Just another wonderful day!

- Courage Man

Saturday, August 21, 2010

....


Lately I have notice that I been quieter than usual. Some people had pointed it out and I came to realize it myself also.

And maybe the reason why is because lately everyone words and action has been really hurtful towards me even if it was not intentional. Which resulting why I been very conscious with my behavior towards people this month, and in a way makes me feel uncomfortable inside.
I have no idea when this silent spell started but it has been here.
I can remember couple of events this month when there were times I was hurt and offended. But that doesnt mean I'm holding a grudge towards anyone.
I learned to let go, shake it off and love. But I just want to learn to love MORE.
But the thought that slipped in my mind was maybe I didnt fully let go if it still effects me..right? And that is the answer I'm trying to find and the solution to my problem.

REGARDLESS in any circumstance continue to praise the Lord and smile of course :)


ALSO in recent news, I have fell in a deep hole. ( Hahas...insiders)

- Courage Man

P.S I'm very upset with my fail attempts in updating because summer is almost coming to an end and I only have 15 posts. I thought of all the exciting events that had happen this summer which I have never posted. Guess I'm still trying...


Friday, August 20, 2010

P.S

To be honest..I have been really impatient with myself and with my prayers.
I been praying a lot to God about what I want and the transformation in me. And I been just thinking so much lately, about what am I doing wrong that and why am I not seeing any miracles or blessings in my life.
And going to prayer service on Thursday.. I got my answer and my reminder. To just wait on the Lord and he hears our Prayers, he does want to bless us but there are somethings that we must get rid of before he can bless us.
Rather it is disobedience, rebellious, or our atttiude..anything that is not of God. God wants to take it out to better us and he can't bless us if we can't do it. Because He is Holy. He sees everything, we can't hide from him.
And sometimes we try so hard to do what is right..it damages us. All we need to do is..stand still..in our peace and just watch. Watch his salvation, just WAIT and watch what he is going to do in our lives.
And that is what I have been having trouble with. Just waiting and watch..I'm always so ready to get up on my feet to do something I just dont know when to stop.

And I just need to wait and see what God wants me to change or sacrifice.


Lord just plant my feet on the ground and wait for you. Make me over and guide me. Give me the mind to be patient and bind the frustration in me. Because it is you who has chosen me, not I myself. If it havent been you..I would not be where I'm now. Have mercy and let me wait on you. Continue to put people in my life to encourage me and make me an encouragement to others. My only desire is to be close to you. Nothing in the world can satisfy me like you do, you're the lover of my soul. We may live in this world but we're not of this world. I love you Lord, I'm sorry for my ways and my fleshly thoughts and my hot temper. Have mercy.

- Courage Man

When I get OLDER..I will be STRONGER -- Wavin Flag

Ever since CSA ended my days seem so unproductive. Maybe I'm just use to typing papers away and procrastinating. But my days been really the same, a boring routine.

Sadly though I had a lot of planned for August but somehow none are really getting done. Half my August is almost over and I feel like I need to get my priorities back on track.
I SAY I have a lot to do but lately I been a BIG humungous couch potato.
I must get my act together NOW!

But other then being lazy everything been going well. I been in driving school, stuck in a classroom for 3 hours a day listening to the instructor his good glory day. He's a cool man but I just feel like I will forever be stuck in a classroom. And I have learned that I'm not good at sitting still or paying attention for too long.
There was this girl in my class who offered an business opportunity to me and my friend, how we can make money fast and all the good stuff in between. Me and my friend went to the seminar and it just sounded to skeptical. In the end I decided not do it ...I was not comfortable with it and it sounded too good to be true. Another thing I have learned about myself is as much as I'm a big spender ...money does not please my soul. Greed does not flow my blood. I do not understand how some people can only focus on their life in just making money. There is so much more to life.
When I was at that seminar everything was jsut about money...everyone was screaming PRAISING about money. It was so scary...it was just being in a temple or holy place that magnifies money. And my heart harden just the thought about what money could do to people.

When I told one of the business "dude" that I was just not interested. He tried to scared me about statistic saying 98% of people are rather poor or dead while the other 2% are finacially stable. Rather its true or not I dont really care.
I want to live my life meaningful and I believe that I could still live a stable life without making all the money in the world. And I can never be poor...when my soul is still growing in Christ.

Stay encourage! Be patient and wait on the Lord. He is a living God, he sees everything and knows all your need -- a little reminder to myself.

- Courage Man

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Breaking News!

No there is no breaking news..just needed a catchy heading.
But this is the last week of CSA, never knew it was coming but this week has finally come. Spending 3 consecutive summer here it's weird knowing that I'm not returning next summer...and to be honest I dont even know what I'm going to do with my summer next year when there are so much opportunities and so many options in trying new things. What to choose...what to choose but I think about that when the time comes. Right now I'm trying to get through the week with my last essay and final.

Recently I have caught the cough and been choking and suffocating for a week and a half now. It's pretty annoying and I have grew bags under my eyes from the cough that keeps me up at night and refuses to let me sleep. And it's annoying how tired my body is but it just wont let me sleep. Just praying for healing.

And besides committing myself in writing this blog I notice that I been very protective of my feelings and that's because I do not want to sound childish and annoying. But I vow to myself to say more how I feel.. thats the only way I can see myself grow....and right this instant..I feel...ANXIOUS!
I feel anxious to see what blessings God has in store for me. Recently my friend told me about this job that is hiring and I just praying I have a chance. And also after CSA my dad is putting me in driving school and then in september getting my LICENSE. And he was just telling me about an opportunity of my own car. These two news been on my mind a lot but I know at the same time I must humble myself and not get my hopes too high and to just learn to shut my mouth. I notice when I get excited about something I like to announce it to the world. ( darn me for being a open book) And my imagination start going wild..I just want to learn to be patient, wait and see what happens....

and to continue to fight the good power of faith. ( random, but can't write a post without giving any credict to God! )

- Courage Man

Monday, July 26, 2010

Admittance

Maybe this is procrastination but I think this would be worth the time.

So I'm coming to my last 2 weeks of Crimson Summer Academy and the work is getting more tighter each day. But still no complaints.

I have just received my grade for my second essay and I'm satisfy with a B- .
I guess I will just have to put my heart out on my third essay ( even though its due tomorrow...)

But that is not my main point for this post. Yesterday the teaching in Sunday school was, faith. How faith is not just knowing and waiting on God to come through but it is the act in going to places and take initiative and having faith God is with you... The last thing was to admit something to God that we never have before...
There was somethings I identify and I gave it to the Lord.
But last night I notice there is a new thought that I know it is there...but I still dont want to admit to it. All my friends has been telling me and I been denying that problem or idea...confidently. But lately I'm starting to have a new perspective on this and wrestling with myself.

I tried forcing myself to admit it but I just can't do so. Might sound weird but I just can't.
We been talking a lot in church about binding and confessing and I know in my heart I have confess much bigger problems to myself and the Lord.
But this really small thing..I just can't swallow it. Unless I'm just thinking too much or it's a bigger problem than I think?

- Courage Man


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Resistance

It is 4:04 am was about to sleep...but decided to write while the will is still in me.

I have decided to deactivate my facebook for a week..I have no idea why but it just came to me and well...I just did it. But eitherway the biggest factor of my procrastination was going on facebook every second anyways. So this should be good.
There were times today that I thought about facebook and updating statuses. But I stopped myself and honestly if i must say..I didnt feel the need or yearning to go on. Which is a good feeling
1 day down 6 more days to go.

One week is not even long when I think about it.

It is shocking to know that there is only two more weeks of CSA! OH MY where does time fly? Cannot believe this is almost coming to an end of my summer..and my last year as a scholar. Not much comments for now..I guess I dont feel the grief and sadness yet because it haven't hit me. But when it come i just know I be bawling a waterfall. Hahas.

So my writing expo class is reading Raisins in the Sun this week and I thought I'm all set because I read it in freshmen year but notice i remember nothing! So I was reading it earlier and there is a new appreciation, something I didnt have before for this book. Maybe I was still an amateur ( and maybe still am) but it's a good read..hopefully finish sometime today.
So I must wake up in less than 4 hours and knowing myself..I'm gonna regret for staying up this late.
Good Night and Good Day!

- Courage Man

P.S I pray for my eyes to be open

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Another Day :)


Right now I'm forcing myself to write because I'am really trying to commit myself despite how I feel.

Lately I have been overly pack with work but it doesn't matter in-between there been some great memories and joy especially with a roommates like mine there is no night that is dull! But I just thank God again for putting so many good people in my life even at times when I can't see the good in me. There's no complaints but I'm just happy where I'm. And in spite of how our flesh works and feel just thank God for working in us every second...thats how we differ from God. He works in spectacular ways that cannot be predict:

Yesterday coming home from a tired week, couple of events happened.
See my dad called me before telling me my report card. It was decent but it was not what I have expected. But when I came home to see it for myself I was shock to see straight A's and one B+ in Ap Lit ( which counts of a A also)...Apparently my dad was looking at something else.
And I remember on praying on this during the last term and God really came through. If you just continue to be faithful he will do it for you.
What really shocked me was my mandarin teacher giving me an A+...we started out the year on a bad note but in the end ..I really appreciated her. I'm glad that I changed my attitude and stopped being bitter about the little stuff and sucked up but again you know it wasn't me who helped me through. :)

Then my mom comes and randomly gave me $100+...all those tithe and offering...enough said.

And what made me happy the most was when my sis asked me can she come to church with me. I was so delighted! Knowing that she has the will to have a relationship with God is more than a sis can ask for. After we came back from a WONDERFUL service she said, she coming on Sunday. Praise the Lord.

And to end the night..or day with a finished paper ( at 6 am)
Just another spectacular day walking with God.

Continue to pray for my strength and faith,
- Courage Man

P.S My plants has been really growing a lot and my flowers are blossoming lots! Hehe and I just want to thank you to someone who got me ANOTHER basil plants. But its alright I will still cherish and love it the same as my other plants.

Monday, July 5, 2010

OH NOSE!


I have been away from my plants for 3 days and my basil plant is dying! So upset but I'm trying to rescued it by feeding it water right when I got into my dorm. Maybe I go to the farmers market tomorrow and see what else I can do with it. But hopefully it will recover!

The only reason I started growing my own plants was just kind of corny and metaphoric. I thought about my journey and thought watching them grow is like watching myself. And the ironic thing is the way my basil plant is all dried and gloomy..is how I been feeling lately. ( despite the logical reason behind it.) I have to admit I haven't been feeling my best. I been upset with several of things and just not satisfy in the condition I'm in. And as corny as it sounds I feel like how I been feeling right now, is all represented in that plant.

BUT I know everything is going to be alright. I let Him have his way.

- CourageMan
There are some thoughts that already had been thought.
Some feelings already been felt.
Some doubts that will be taken care of.
Somethings thats coming on its way.

Day 1.

- Courage Man

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Beautiful Day

DESPITE the fact that I have a 4-5 page essay due in less than 24 hours. I feel truly blessed.

I had a drink with one of my teacher this morning and it was just great to catch up with her. I just thank God for putting her in my life. Not only was she my teacher but she was also a mentor to me in class and spiritually. She gave me lots of guidance and cared when I was in need and I just thank God for that relationship. We went for tea ( even though I had a strong craving for mango smoothie, sadly the bubble tea shop was closed) and sat there for at least an hour+ just talking about what's currently going on in both our lives.
My adviser advised me to apply out of state because I have a better chance in getting accepted than in-state. And I told my teacher about my dilemma and my reluctant to do so. And she left me with a thought, was I a goer...God made some people to stay within their community but there are some he sends them out to grow...I can't explain all the details but it gave me a little more confidence and to consider in looking at other schools and explore my limits!

After that I had class and recently I learned to be more confidence in class even though it might be intimidating at times to be in a class full of intellects. But hey if I'm in that class my IQ could not be that bad. And I guess I was right about that since I received an CHECK PLUS on my first assignment in my Writing EXPO class. Was really proud of myself knowing I'm on the right track and like I said before it now or never.

Later after class was over I headed to prayer service and prayer as always was powerful. Today though I feel like I just got deliver all my worries and burden just gone knowing he is going to send his angels to help me through. Essays, professors, people, and etc I just didn't feel dismay anymore. Whatever bothered me before was gone. And right after service I just feel great and I had the chance to talkto someone who I really havent been talking to and she invited me over for LASAGNAS! ( Yum!) God is so good since I really haven't ate all day. It was the first time I went inside and I got to meet her mom and her sick brother. It was memorable just to giving them a friendly hug and chatting with them. There was a moment where I felt like crying...it reminded me how it was to see my grandpa in Hong Kong. I just so happy for her that she has a family that love her so much. And looking at her I know God is going to bless her lots. I just can't wait and see, seeing other bless encourages me so much knowing he has the same for me. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! And just to chat with others I never had a chance to, just a great feeling.
And a great way to start a paper...

.....And thats where I'm off to. TATA !

- Courage Man

Monday, June 28, 2010

Reminder

Saw it on a Sister page/status, so powerful and a good reminder!

Seven Good Ways to Get Free of Negative Emotions.

1. Refuse to be anxious

2. Refuse to be ruled by anger.

3. Refuse to be dissatisfied.

4. Rufuse to be envious.

5. Refuse to be depressed.

6. Refuse to be bitter.

7. Refuse to be hopeless.


- Courage Man

Friday, June 25, 2010

Grow Grow Grow!

" You need to try everything, one of them is bound to work" - Bryan

Who knew one math advice on a beautiful sunny day in Harvard Yard can inspire you in so many ways. I thought about that going back to my dorm. It's true, how do you know something is not going to work if we don't try and explore our options?

I'm thankful for the people in my life who are so patient with me.
Everyday you learn something new about yourself from somebody. I was having a conversation with one of the Deacon from my church about people views on church and what he say was true, its all stereotypes. What they say they know could all be ignorance. People don't really know what it means to be a Christian, they think being a christian means church and religion. But it is your relationship with God, it is all about relationship. Without relationship with the Lord what you heard about him is meaningless if you don't know him and believe what he can do in your life.
I told him about what goes through my mind and how I don't really know how to react to people and their comments. And I just don't know what to really do in general. There are just too many questions and thoughts in my mind. And he said to me, its because I'm growing. Which stun me because I realized there was no shame of being doubtful sometimes or thinking too much about a matter is all part of the growing process and it's a matter of time I'm going to see the growth in me. Growing in experience!
WATERING MY TREE OF KNOWLEDGE MUHAHAHA

- Courage Man

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Post #1


So I have decided to start a BLOG! In the past I have failed to commit or write about my feelings. I'm hoping this would be different and hoping to see the difference in me through my journey in life!

I have been living in Harvard for only 5 days but it already feels like I have been here for years. My mom has been calling me constantly every night asking me motherly questions like: Have you ate? Have you shower? Don't sleep so late! Though it might seem annoying to others, I really appreciate those little stuff she does showing me how much she cares and misses me. Because knowing myself, I get so distracted I barely do call home and update her how I'm doing. And I appreciate all my friends from school and outside from the program visiting and calling me.

It's crazy how this is my last year. And I know I'm going to make it happen. I look at my first year then the year after, never have I really pushed my limits. And this year I know I'm going to make it happen, its rather now or never. Knowing myself I'm a very sub-conscious girl and very doubtful. But I know I have the Lord on my side and he will give me the strength everyday to focus and guide me to what and where I need to be. First week almost over and the stress haven't really erupt yet but I know as time goes by it's going to get overwhelming but I also will be ready to fight and CONQUER! ( Rawr?)

- Courage Man