Changing Sceneries

Going into my sophomore year of college there are somethings I realize: time is going by fast and not only that but even things are changing rapidly.

I was going through a teacher/mentor's blog post from a few years ago when she still taught at JQUS.
I just thought how much things have changed since then.
She just recently had a baby and started her own family.
I, on the other hand am also not the same Courage Man as I was 3 years ago.
I am no longer a high school student. No longer wrestling with the same situations I was 3 years ago.
Though the bond between my mentor and I will always be there but the relationship we have as mentor/mentees/friends are certainty not like how it use to be due to the circumstances and our different paths in life.
I thought also deeper into my past to another mentor that helped me to become the person that I am today.
He is now a headmaster at Watertown. I thought for old time sake I emailed him to see how he's been doing. Still no response from him though I see him on fb all the time! But I am not offended and I understand that he has a family and a life to live than entertaining an ex student.
The funny thing is how both of my beloved mentors left the school (and my life) the same year. (Junior year)
I found myself having no one to lean on during my senior year. It was hard, I admit. There were times where I was struggling and I had no one to turn to for advice or guidance.
I can't blame God for depriving me of good influences in my life. But I do admit that there were times I wonder why God did that. Did God place them in my life in my time of need then think I am ready to go solo? Did I fail to recognize new mentors He was trying to place in my life? I don't know.
What I do know is God still never failed me.
And after these wonderful people slowly start drifting away from my life, I learned instead of learning about life and my spirituality from these wonderful mentors...I had to go discover it myself.
I had to go out and learned to fall and pick myself back up with the help of God.
I had to learn to solely lean on Jesus in my time of need. Instead of running to one of them for advice or for comfort...I learned to find rest in Him.
I learn ALSO from my SAD SAD mistakes that I made.
I can't say the journey has been easy, most of the time it have been bittersweet. But I won't exchange my experience, my downfalls, my joy, or my discoveries for any other paths...because this is the road God has planned for me to walk. And I will continue to walk in confidence through the valleys, wilderness, deserts until I finally reach my destination...until I walk into my blessings.
I have to admit there were times I was frustrated with God because Pastor always reminded us that we need mentors in our lives to help us and that was the only way we learn (mistakes and mentors).
And I was frustrated with God and myself because I felt like I didnt have any mentors ever since the ones I did have left.
But I learned also that my ways are not God's way. I was too ignorant, stubborn and prideful to discern or appreciate the people/teachers He place in my life to help me grow. Not every mentor and person He sends in my life will I get along with but through them is where I can learn the biggest lessons.
Ever since I realize that, it became my biggest regret as a first year student at Holy Cross. There was this professor I had that I couldn't stand. Honestly I still think she is crazy in someways but when I look back now all the things she accused me of in my papers and as a person... it was true in some ways and she was right. I wish I had the humility before to accept what she said instead of going back to my room and vent to my roommate and friends. And still didn't change my ways.
But I thank God for second chances and for new opportunities.

God help me please as I enter my second year at Holy Cross. I ask that you will help me to do things differently this year. Change my behavior and how I approach people and situations that comes about. Help me to be more open minded about people who may be different from me. Help me to not come quickly to a conclusion about myself, about people, or about the circumstances but help me to search deeper... God I thank you for your mercy that keeps me...I ask you to give me the spirit of humility to be taught and chastised. I ask that you may give me a teachable spirit so that I can be mold and shape by the people you have place in my life to bless me. Bless me with new mentors in my life that will help me along the way. Help me also to recognize them. Lord I love you and I thank you for never forsaking me despite of who I am. I ask you to keep me on this journey with you...bless me in areas that I may be broken in. Give me more joy, love, friends, and a positive attitude. Deliver me from my strongholds and insecurities. Everything that I may be withholding from you Jesus, show me. So that I may be able to surrender my all to you once again. Jesus I know as long as I live this will be a cycle and a process. Like the Desert Song said..."I know I'm filled to be emptied again...The seed I've received I will sow."
I am trying to learn more about myself and who I am in you. I am trying to learn how to please you. I am learning to love you more than I did last year. I am learning to diligently seek you in everything. God every worry that I have about my future...about what is coming ahead help me to trust you and give me the wisdom that I need to make the right choices and do the right thing that glorifies you. I need your wisdom today.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

- Courage Man