Set Me Free

Dear God,
It just feel like sometimes pain after pain keep piling up in my life and on my heart. It feels like more problems come ahead before the old ones are even resolved. It feels like sometimes that everyone around me are moving forward and moving way ahead of me. It makes me feel nervous.  I think about the people that I loved who has hurt me. I feel betrayed, abandoned, angry, hurt, and most especially frustrated. I feel frustrated because all I see is what is in front of me. I feel frustrated because I feel like I deserve better sometimes. I am mad because I just don't know how to get out. Father, what do I do? God what can I do? Where can I go? Who do I lean on? Sometimes it feel like my world is falling apart. Sometimes I can't help feeling how unfair life could be. I can't help feeling how some people could just move on with their lives and leaving me in the dust. How could I be so unimportant to people who I cherished as friends? I don't know Jesus. I just don't know.
But Lord despite all my uncertainty..despite all my anger. I don't know why I still have so much hope. I don't know why despite all my pain I know God you still love me. Despite of everything God you still remain. Even in my darkest times...even in my lowest God..I don't know why I still believe in you. God you're what I hold on to when I am losing my mind. You're what I hold on to when there is nothing else to hold on to. You're everything Jesus. Even though it is hard to see it sometimes...it is hard to feel you sometimes Jesus...I don't know why I still know God that you're not done and that you will make a way out of no way.
Even on the days where I feel like nothing, I can hear the Holy Ghost telling me that I am something.
When I am angry...you calm the storm in me.
When I feel hopeless...Jesus...you give me the mind to seek you.
I just don't know why.
God I believed that the reason why I am going through what I am going through and I can't get deliverance or a breakthrough must be because I keep falling in the same place...and that I am not CHANGEABLE. So I will be forever stuck. But God help me to trust that everything is going according to your plan as long as I keep following you. Jesus I will follow you all the way. Even if everyone turns their back on me. Help me to not be dramatic, sensitive, or be easily offended. But help me to love unconditionally like you. I love you today Jesus. I need more of you in my life and less of me.
God forgive me today for my thoughts and my behaviors that are not like you. Renew my heart, mind, and soul back to you.
You will be blessed me wherever I go and whatever I need. Education, relationships/friends, family, career, salvation, my identity. Have you way today Jesus. It is not over today. You're for me.
I remember a sister said at church a story of Joshua, You promised that there is a blessing behind that wall, no one believed because of what they saw. They said it was impossible. It was too big and it was too much..there was no way they can conquer and get through it. But Joshua step back and he saw what was BEHIND the wall and I walked around it 7 times. He believed and Lord you blessed Him with more than he expected or imagined.
So God help me to step back today and keep my eyes on the reward and on your promises. Whatever you have for me is for me today.
My deliverance, my restoration, my prosperity is over those walls. I am going and I am not stopping. I am going all the way.
Integrity. Faith. Strength. Hard Work. Love. Hope. Joy.
I love you I love you I love you. Thank you Father today just for who you're. I love you so much. There is no one else like you.
Satan is defeated. Open my eyes to see the truth and not be deceived. Take away any envy and anger that may be in me...cleanse me with your blood and create in me a clean heart. :)

Love your daughter,
Mandy Lam