The Real Me

I know I was suppose to write a post everyday this week but I have fell into my own flesh and ignored what I have promised myself. Each day we have training from 9 am-10 pm...by the time I get back to my room..I am just exhausted....(I fell asleep reading my bible last night.)

I didn't really want to post tonight because I am just not in the mood and struggling with some personal stuff..but I am forcing myself because I know there are some thoughts that needs to be release here.
I don't even know where to start how this week has been. It has been amazing because I have met so many new people; I have learned so much about myself and I have learned so many new skills. I thank God for giving me this opportunity to be part of MPE because I didn't want to do the training at first because I didn't want to come back to Holy Cross so early. But thank goodness I didn't do what I wanted.
Though it has been amazing...I have also been battling with somethings...somethings that are still not resolve from last semester.
My mind.
I think about EVERYTHING. Yes, that is why we all have a mind to THINK. But you know how some people say don't abuse the power that you have? Well I abuse my mind.
I think to the point where it is unnecessary...where I bring myself to a place of confusion, sadness, and hopelessness. I refuse to stay this way. I need the Lord to renew my mind.
I need the Lord to fix me.
I need the Lord to open my eyes and show me the truth.
I realized this week that there are times where I acted in a certain way that I felt like it was not godly or right. And the sad thing is as human's we want to fit in. We want to be accepted. We want to be acknowledge. Even when we tell ourselves that, "I am going to be me." We subconsciously want the attention and there are reasons why we act a certain way...to get the reaction we want.
If you have been in my mind...you would know how foolish I have been...because as I am sitting here right now at this desk...I am just thinking...you're stronger than this.
When I looked at some people I could not help but compare myself...
I could not help to think how people really think about me...how I am not this...and not that.
I get to the point where I isolate myself.
How silly was I?
(The need of prayer came over me again as I was writing)
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Lord, I come to you as humbly as I know how. Help to stay strong in you and know God I am stronger than I think...through you I can do anything. I am strong. I am strong Jesus with you. Help me to never to accept the enemy's lie for the truth. Help me to never sell myself out. Help me to stay true to myself and what I believe in. Even if that means that I have to do it all by myself. Even when I have to stand alone. Help me to stay true to who I am...to stay true in you. Jesus I know that you didn't call me to be alone but you already have the people you have assigned to my life in place...and that I don't have to worry who comes in or out of my life...who will accept me...who will see the real me...because everything is in place...you're in control Jesus. I am never alone. I have the right friends today. I have you Jesus. You alone are enough because you alone have all that I need. I love you today Jesus. I want to love you even more. Help me to be real and be who you call me to be. I bind comparison. I bind hopelessness. In you there is life. In you I have joy. No one can take me away from you. Nobody's lifestyle can convince me that I need to change mine. Because I know God where you have bought me out. I know God if it wasnt for you Lord I wouldnt be where I am. And even though sometimes when I look at my life and I feel like I have nothing. Nothing worth to share...just nothing. God I know you have SOMETHING for me. This SOMETHING is so much better than I can ever imagine. God help me to stick to the truth. God I really need you to help me to stay strong no matter what. Help me to rejoice no matter what. Loosen your understanding and wisdom in my life. Give me peace. Lord I remember when I came back to Holy Cross on Saturday..I made up my mind that I am ready. I was ready for this new school year...and I was ready for the new challenges ahead. This is just the first one out of all the other ones. You never said it would be easy. You never said it would be painless. But you promise God that you will never forsake me and you will be there right next to me every step of the way. So help me Jesus to trust you with all my heart. Help me to work hard and labor in you. Help me to suffer in you and know there is an award. If I have to be lonely, I ask that the Holy Ghost be my comfort, my strength, and my faith. God renew my mind and my walk with you. Guide me every step of the way. Send down your anointing and our direction/instructions today God. Help me to seek your light in my time of darkness. Let me not be deceive by this world and by people. Let me not lust after this world but I ask for more of you in my life. I love you Jesus. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. Through you I can do all things. I love you God, you're my way maker. 
In Jesus Name, Amen. 

Break every chain. Break every yoke.

- Courage Man

P.S.
In you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse. Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. ~ Psalm 25:2-3-6

But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. ~ Micah 7

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. ~ Hebrews 10:23