Salvation

Maybe I deserve it.

I woke up this morning with pain in every inch of my body. My body was so sore it was difficult to put on my jacket on and let's not forget the 4 flights of stairs I had to overcome to get to my first period class. lol

Winter Vacation has really ruined my sleeping schedule, no matter how much I sleep I seem to be so tired throughout the day. It's hard not to get hook onto Red Bull when you can't seem to find any source of energy to consume from.

I have so much to write...and talk about that...I dont even know where to start.

.....

And I think that is one of the problems I have in my life. I don't really have a target.

I always try to tackle everything at once that the result I get is nothing...because I have been so aimless.

And that's how I been feeling about my prayers. I pray but I'm not really asking God for anything. That has been bought to my attention today in Bible Study when Pastor was talking about the Altar. The Alter is a symbol where we tarry and let God talk to us about our situations. But if we don't put our face our problems on the Alter, God can't speak anything to us if we don't address it. Not saying that I do not have any problems that my life is perfect.

But I have never really directly spoke to God about me, on what I really need Him to do for me or what He really wants me to work on.

Like Pastor said, God never leaves you confuse. And if you don't know what God wants you to do it's not because He's not not clear but because you're not listening.

And from there I notice I have jumped into my own conclusions, my own fairy tale ending on what God is going to do. But I don't know that! Like the analogy in Bible Study tonight, God is like the power source in Him there is power and if we plug/commit ourselves to Him sometimes He want us to be a blow dryer, an microphone, or a microwave. But you can't be all that at the same time and you don't know what God wants you to be.

Tonight I will have a focus prayer, thank God for speaking to me tonight in Bible Study. Thank Him also for his MERCY! Every time when He reveal a mistake that you have done, you just feel so foolish and grateful that though He saw it, He still kept you.

Pray God that you open my ears so I can listen. And the heart and mind to be obedient to the direction you give me in my spirit. Denied my thoughts and lean not on my own understanding but acknowledge your name in everything I do. For Lord I'm not you, I can never think like you. I just pray that you will have your way on me and let your purpose you have for my life be reveal unto me.

In Jesus name, Amen.

- Courage Man

P.S While reading one of my best friend Tumblr. She dedicated a post to me! It was very touching and at the sametime, a refreshment to myself. (If that makes sense.)

I forgot how even though you may not see any good in yourself. There are other people that is watching your life and sees something different.

Patient & Respect. Thank You Winnie!